I just cut my nipple shaving
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
