then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
