pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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