Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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