Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
