Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize