all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
