Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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