I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
