somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
