So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
