Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
