why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
