i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drake has all the answers
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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