You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
