i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
