There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
