it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
