i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
