My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
