i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
