Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
