So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
