Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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