did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
