I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Acid is not a monday night drug
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
