He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
