Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
