Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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