the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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