Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
