At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
