I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
