Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
