He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
