Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
