I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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