Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
