My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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