oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
