I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
