I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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