Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
