Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My ass is underappreciated
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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