i permit you to call me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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