To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
