i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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