but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
