Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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