I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
