you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
