What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
