omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
