Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
