Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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