If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
