That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
