so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
