Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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