I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
