oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
