Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
