There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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