I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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