I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
