just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
