I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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