i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
